I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
