You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Every concussion has its silver lining
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
