i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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