Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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