i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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