When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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