Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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