PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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