And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
