He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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