I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
