I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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