Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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