i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
