i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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