I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
