I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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