So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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