Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
