There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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