How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
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