would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
