Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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