Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
