Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Randomize
