when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize
