tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
