Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
