***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I just saw a hot homeless man
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
