i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
