While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
We need a shit load of segways right now
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
