It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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