It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I can't put those talents on a resume
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
