So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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