does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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