I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
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I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
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Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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