when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
