im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
