i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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