I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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