Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
