hotel room ftw
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
