what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
