Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
