sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
