You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
