It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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