Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
too bad you live with your parents still
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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