mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
