Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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