The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
