How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
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