I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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