Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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