What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
we made out on top of his cat.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Randomize
