Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
