Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
