I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
