just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
