I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
