And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
