A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
His nipple licking is glorious
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