Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
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